dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
