big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
