you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
