Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
