So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
