If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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