Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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