I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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