I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
