Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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