i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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