clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
