Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
