I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We need to feng shui this bitch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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