I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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