Sry I called you an 8
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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