i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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