why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
