what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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