All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
