Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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