I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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