Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
