you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
