I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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