Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
