Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
