I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
