I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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