I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
