our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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