I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3pm strippers are depressing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
