i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
