I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
