Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
