it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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