I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
