I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize