i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There r osticjed everywhere
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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