Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
