Its about making memories worth repressing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
