i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
