my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
