Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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