Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
