yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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