Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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