I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
