Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
