I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
