I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
