if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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