If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
