im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
