No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
