I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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