All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
