Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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