Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
