I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
