I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
