He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
