At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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