I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
