I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
