I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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