The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
