I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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