If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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