Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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