dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
