i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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