Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
