why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
