She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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