i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
