I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
barbara walters just said penis...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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