Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
