Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
