my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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