Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize